Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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