if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
