So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
