I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
