ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
