I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I will be naked everywhere
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
