I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
