This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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