a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
