Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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