he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
