Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Even my vagina gasped.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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