yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need mimosas to revive my soul
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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