you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
