You really coming over, don't trick.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
