I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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