its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
