The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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