he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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