I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
