My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
