I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
