I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
