How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
