i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
