A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
