i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need a sexual gate keeper
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
