I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
