my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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