I'm gonna have a badass scar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
