"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nutella sex= disaster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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