That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its liver damage thursday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
