Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
