Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
