ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
