I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
