Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
