Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
