Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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