Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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