Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dicks are not precious.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
