I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
