i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
