you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
