I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
