i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
