If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
