TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
