his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
