No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
