walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
