No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
