So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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