It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
