He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
love makes seman taste better
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
NoShamevember. You game?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
